Because I was told to



Having risen from the dead recently (get it? double pun!), I’ve gained the privileges of disabled parking (alas it doesn’t come with a driver’s license), a more matured appearance for pub crawls, and unjust sympathy from passing pedestrians. But more importantly, the encouragement from fellow writers to get back to this whole writing lark, which I’ve been seriously itching to do.

The lack of inspiration over the past months (a winning filmdash entry, zombie walk, and a Facebook game idea for my beloved charity didn’t count evidently) had done nothing other than frustrating me (though no more than our noisy neighbours with their 6000 watt speakers that the City Council would gladly confiscate with a bit of hard evidence).

So what the hell am I going to write about? My charming housemate Hazz has been a right bastard at showing off his ability to write about absolutely nothing, that loveable hairy man who loves to snorts my hair like a sniff dog… I told you he’s charming.

Well I’ve been commanded by my favourite (and only) black friend (I’m only as racist as the next Chinaman with predominately white and asian friends) Antonio Roberts to update my blog again, and as luck with have it, the first thing WordPress showed me when I logged on was a helpful article for the sufferers of writer’s block (I hate it when they show up during a game of Tetris when you just need the 1×4 block). I can just see some self-righteous arsehole at the WordPress headquarters going through all the inactive blogs out there, flagging up the pathetic ones to send their little patronising links to. I want his job.

Anyway, here’s what Plinky told me to write about:

Write a 10-line poem about your neighbor.

*in the voice of Morgan Freeman impressionist*

Oh those neighbours
The way they live across the hall
Just doing what annoying fucking neighbours do
Multiple speakers, and
I rant about you,
Arsehole neighbours
You keep my evenings interesting when I’m tired.
Oh, I might call the cops on you from time to time, but
Oh, that’s no good.
You’ll always be an arsehole to me.

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